Hal Heindel
11-03-2008, 07:10 AM
We all get plenty of fluff in our inbox, but this was too good to not pass on:
After every flight, United Parcel Service pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet" that tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Mechanic: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Mechanic: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
Pilot: Something loose in cockpit
Mechanic: Something tightened in cockpit
Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.
Mechanic: Live bugs on back-order.
Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Mechanic: Evidence removed.
Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Mechanic: That's what friction locks are for.
Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Mechanic: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Pilot: Suspected crack.
Mechanic: Suspect you're right.
Pilot: Number three engine missing.
Mechanic: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Mechanic: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Pilot: Mouse in cockpit.
Mechanic: Cat installed.
Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Mechanic: Took hammer away from midget.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor! For what it's worth, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever had an accident.
After every flight, United Parcel Service pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet" that tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Mechanic: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Mechanic: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
Pilot: Something loose in cockpit
Mechanic: Something tightened in cockpit
Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.
Mechanic: Live bugs on back-order.
Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Mechanic: Evidence removed.
Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Mechanic: That's what friction locks are for.
Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Mechanic: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Pilot: Suspected crack.
Mechanic: Suspect you're right.
Pilot: Number three engine missing.
Mechanic: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Mechanic: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Pilot: Mouse in cockpit.
Mechanic: Cat installed.
Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Mechanic: Took hammer away from midget.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor! For what it's worth, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever had an accident.